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Pabs
It All Happened So Fast 
24th-May-2006 10:05 pm
My life used to simple, perhaps even too simple. I can't argue the fact that my father gave me the easy lifestyle. A type of lifestyle that would draw such a degree of envy from my older brother that would end up damaging what little relationship we had. But my father & I had the most comfortable relationship, a type of relationship that I miss having these days. Not that my mother & I don't get a long (cause we do), it's that we really understood each other. I miss coming home & just saying hi to him, I miss the thumbs up he'd give me whenever he'd go out, I miss him coming into my room early Sunday mornings when I am trying to sleep in asking me "what are we going to eat for lunch today."

I miss that old lifestyle.

I have realized that I have come to an end of a chapter in my life. I knew one day I would have to 'grow up' but I really didn't think everything would unfold like this. I think that's what makes it so hard for me to swallow. I used to wake up with a feeling of guilt thinking about how much my father gave to me. Some say it's unconditional love; a parent giving everything they can for their children. I know one day I will have that duty but I only wish I could of said one last "thank you" or "I love you". I hate realizing stupid cliche's like "You don't know what you've got till its gone" are true.

With that cliche in mind, I often think of my brother. Do I miss him? no, I just think about how someone can live life with his kind of personality. I have no desire to have him in my life. I can honestly say that he serves the motivation I need to become a better, more successfull person that he is today. Do I wish any harm? no. I hope he's healthy & keeps doing what he's doing. I just have my own brothers who have been there for me through thick & thin.

To me, this expierence has been a painful lesson. My father was everything to me. Those who were close to me understood how much I loved living with him. I wonder where he's at, I wonder what he's doing & I wonder when I am going to see him again. I also realize that these are questions that will never be answered. No matter how much we hate life sometimes, we love it too much to stop living.

All in all I can't complain with what life as given me. I have great friends, I have expierenced wonderful journey's & had a father that loved me. If only he knew how much I missed him.

I don't know why I wrote this, perhaps I just needed to get it out
Comments 
25th-May-2006 06:46 am (UTC)
hey pablo, very heart felt entry ... kudos..


hope you're doing well.... are you gonna be up here for any of the nor cal shows?.... I'm gonna be at the usual, PP,Moonlight and CSO...

well take care of yourself...

talk to ya soon


-wendy
27th-May-2006 07:37 pm (UTC)
that entry was so overwhelming..**you made me cry** :P

you made me think abt my life and how i treat my parents and how i SHOULD treat them...sometimes it's hard to just do the right thing

anyways, take care ;)

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